Saturday, 24 March 2012

  • The real me

    I think little bits of me think I'm crazy. Sure like the rest of the world would think oh my I'm crazy every now and then but this time its a little more then normal. I sometimes think that perhaps I'm not real or any part of this is. Where everything is actually a dream and what's real is the dreams we dreamt. In so many ways it can be true. Maybe the real you is in a dream and as you am up you then really truly dream. So that's the type of thinking where it gets you to where I am. Sitting in a dirty room with nothing but fantasies of who you could be.

Sunday, 18 March 2012

  • To Die for an Audience with Grand Master TV station

    AHHH! Im going crazy, Im dying for a single email from the company that I've been trying to get a job at. Gosh, I feel horribly unimportant when I tried to tell someone close to me. Heck one of them just goes. "oh... so your trying to work at a broadcasting station?..." like its no big deal. YEAH well it is! Do you freaking know HOW MUCH COURAGE it took for me to even apply?!?!? Im just scared of rejection all over on my face. OY, it's like asking a date from someone who's just too sparkly for you! Well, that's the highlight of my life. Getting either rejected cause your not sparkly enough or because your too sparkly for some. I'm freaking out here! omg omg, I just remember I missed going to the dojo for two days now. I need to go again, so freaking tired of all this stressing waiting for a single call or email from the station. I just really hope I get it. I dont normally know what I want but this is something I think I'd like to hop on to cause... to be honest. It just feels right. Wish me luck. 

  • Sleeping Beauty

    Ever heard of the movie called Sleeping Beauty? Ive gotten the chance to watch it thanks to a good mate and it's a very flippy movie. It's one of those movies that once it ended you just cant stop there, not because it is completely fantastic but because the meanings behind the movie makes you go bonkers and you wonder if it's just you or the movie. I mean, you hear shoo loads of sexual comments and acts happening everyday but the meaning of it all here kind of changes. Like how a person says sex so meaningfully but then watching this movie it brings you back down onto the ground thinking oy, it's actually what it means in the dictionary but yet at the same time no it's something beyond yourselves. It's like a man saying sex and a women saying sex, oddly enough they could mean two different things. Anyway my minds wacking itself. 

    So if your into something that would be a long discussion, this movie would be it. Its a screenplay so keep in mind, it's more to be seen of an art rather then the everyday movie of where from point A  to B and then C.

     

     

Friday, 09 March 2012

  • Farms and Dreamland

    I feel like the idiot that's running up a door thinking that I could actually get a treat when the whole idea is that I'm just too old to get treats anymore. At times like this I'd like to go out and be brilliant and go horse back ridding. Sadly enough everything in life cost money. I'd love to hop on a horse and ride for hours. See, times like this is when I wish I grew up on a farm. I dont mind working hard for my daily ins and outs. I used to have a friend who shares the same thought. He'd always talk about a dream of having his own farm and teaching his son what it means to work hard and love hard. Lol I think his kid is a lucky child to have him. I think wanting a simple life as a dream is fantastic. I mean, think about. Nothing but you and your family working for each other. Pulling each of their own weight, I think it's fantastic. Lol I just realized I say fantastic alot. Though point is, what do I want in life? Yes, YES, bygone with their dream. WHAT'S MINE? lol I don't know honestly. I think I'd do the same one day. Perhaps one day settling down with someone I love, house in the country, hmmm farming.... I dont know if I could pull farming off but house in the country is something about right. 

    Oh and about today. I tried to sign up for some Karate classes for my brother today. He was so excited, it made me feel brilliant. I felt so happy to see him happy like that. It's super cute, lol but I dont think I'll tell him that. Lol As creepy as I am. Lol My best friend/ sister in the whole world thinks I'm creepy lol. Cause I am pretty horrible when it comes to her, over protective, crazy, and always calling her my boo. Lol It can't be help it, I've got to show her my love somehow. We're pretty close to childhood friends growing up. God, I think I'm so lucky to have her love me because she's been there for me, she's cried for me and she's smiled for me, sure laughing at me counts. lol 

     

    I dont have it in me to sleep these past few months. No, not really troubled or anything. Just always thinking I guess. I have no idea what I think about. Well actually I do, these tiny little things that make no sense. I think about the future, the weather, also di vinci, lol nahhh.

     

    But you know... what does it say when you smile alone more then with the people you want to smile with? 

Thursday, 08 March 2012

  • Sloth and Doctors

    Phht, been so long. Thought of writing again almost everyday, ended up writing it in my head but then it'll be gone just like that when I see something else sparkly. I kid you not, I've been trying to be good and work on the photos I've taken of my wonderful fantastic models at Katsucon but I've been busy with GW. If you dont know what GW is then good, I get to pretend to be a bit cooler in life, lol.

    They say sloth is a sin, and I sat there for about 20 min. wondering why it be would a sin, to just float by. Then I realized its because we're created to be fantastic why not be fantastic while you can? I think that's why, I cant say I am a very religious person but I think the paths we all follow are all different but each religion makes us a better person one way or another. 

    AH. My father. He wrote to me a tad more lately.... oh goodness. I just had a flash back in school. I remember the way Tri would used to look at me at the mention of my father. He'd look to see if I was hurt or upset when Flores brought my father up. I don't know. When writing, I just flashback alot. Think back to those days. lol, look at you love, a 22 year old thinking back to her childish memories. Well, just for the record. I love my father. He was silly. He was wrong. But mistakes are made and humans move on. What we all tend to do. Otherwise I think the sun wouldn't rise again, lol but it will.

    Ah. my life right now, I think I'm on the stand still scared to move up or anywhere in the uncertainty of life afraid of getting rejected or am just plainly not good enough. I wish The Doctor was here and would take me every where to space and time. It's not a shock at all why everyone would fall in love with the man. Blimey, that man is sexy on so many levels. I would go on for a decade on how wonderful he is but I fear I will be typing for forever. And just for the record again, if you know what I'm talking about yes, 10th and 11th are both BLIMEY SEXY. He is the only man I love with such a thick Scottish accent or a bow tie.

    I kid you not i can keep going on about him but he's so great that, if I write about him I'd have to dedicate a VERY long blog on him which will take a decade or so lol. 

    OH I'm gonna fly out today! WISH ME LUCK!